Dear John Boy (Cueto):

Oh, my. I guess we knew this was possible for one so young... but .. Oh, my, this was ugly. Doubtful any WATBL pitcher will collapse this far in one start in ERA and WHIP. (WATBL owners: by all means, feel free to have one of your pitchers knock Johnny off that "pedestal.")

Shall we dissect it further? Sure, what the heck. Here's what happened in inning the first:








Here's what occurred in the 2/3 inning of the second that you lasted.
You got Albert, but ...mmmm...the rest was not pretty:








You hang in there, J.C. We're with you... especially if this is the bottom.

-- Vitamin D Ownership

Dear Hunter Pence, Jim Thome, Hideki Matsui, and Evan Longoria,

The four of you are all excellent players, but unfortunately I only have two free starting spots to fit you in. Over the last week I just took my best guess at who to play each day, and this was the result:

- Whoever was active: 9/42 (.214), 5 R, 1 HR, 4 RBI, 0 SB
- Whoever was benched: 18/42 (.429), 12 R, 5 HR, 14 RBI, 2 SB

Now, perhaps you're getting nervous when you know you're in the lineup, and fortunately the Blizzards were still able to pull out a 10-1-1 victory on the last two days over the very lovely and incomparably talented Glitterbugz. But in the future, please notify me each day in writing of the number and type of hits you plan to have that day so that management can plan accordingly. Thank you.

Dear Francisco Liriano,

No no no no no no no no no no no no nooooooooooo please remember how to pitch.

Dear Commish:

What would it take to give us all more roster moves? With the sorry physical condition of this year's crop of supposedly professional ball players and the sorry state of my draft I'm in danger of exhausting my alloted roster moves before Independence Day.

Rickie Weeks? Gone. Jimmy Rollins? Gone. Pat Burrell? Gone. (Ooooops.) Whorehey Posada? Gone. Chad "Stupid Grin" Cordero, my "ace" closer? Gone. And now, Manny "Gag Me With a Smurf" Corpas decides to go postal. Gone. Carlos Delgado? Just about to be Gone. Sheesh.

Pleazzzzzzzzzzzzzze, give us some more.

Thank you,

--Vitamin D (for Desparate) Ownership, on behalf of my fellow and fellowette owners.

Dear Late Season Fizzlers,

WTF? First Curtis "20, 20, 20" Granderson goes on the DL with a broken hand? Fine. Then, Kelvim Escobar goes on the DL with a torn labrum and may miss the season (or potentially end his career). Ok, we'll manage. Then Kaz "Oww, My Butt Hurts" Matsui gets an anal fissure...not touching that...Now we got Torii Hunter with a big toe, Gary Sheffield with a shoulder, and new comer Wandy Rodriguez on the DL with a groin.

We are not the DLs. We do not draft pitchers who are known to be out until August prior to the draft and we do not draft pitchers who have not pitched a full season in 4 years, no matter how good they are.

Meanwhile, our best player, Albert "POO-holes" Pujols is playing with an elbow that is hanging on by a thread.

Please get well soon. We need all the help we can get so we can work our way to the top and roll over and die in the playoffs.

Thanks,
The Fizz Management

Dear Rickie Weeks:

Dude, your season-long flirtation with the Mendoza Line is starting to infect the rest of the team. Now you've dragged Hafner & Grady down with you for the week. The fifteen runs scored is nice (and the only reason you're in the lineup), but having the same number of Ks as Hits is ridiculous. Your role is to get on-base, not be a free swinging "slugger." Capiche?

--- Vitamin D Management

Dear Chad Cordero:

Wipe that stupid grin off your face. Your so-called "fastball" was initially clocked in the 70's yesterday... and "topped out" at 82. Get your behind back on the DL where you belong you %&%$#*

--Vitamin D Ownership (warming up in the bullpen)