Dear Team Off the Wall (Week 10):

We're not jumping, but we're out on the ledge.




Granted, the Pine Block boys posted some decent hitting numbers, but .233/.656 is an anemic, if not embarrassing response. I have no idea how you managed so many RBI, but 4 HRs is pathetic.

Now, Bat Boys, don't take this as a threat, but we'll be issuing a press release looking for some replacement parts. Just wanted to give you a heads up.

Throwers, what can you do against .214/.095, except win more games and keep the freaking ball in the park (12 HRs?). Nice job on the Ks ... again, but an infield dribbler on a good change-up is an out, too. You don't all have to throw high, supposedly-unhittable heat all of the time.

Felix, Felix. What are we gonna do? Highest ERA and WHIP on the staff. Your peers, Carmona, Shields, & Gaudin, are leaving you in the dust ... to say nothing of veterans, Roy and Johan. Even Braden Freaking Looper is out pitching you. Be a man. Punch a wall (left hand, please), kick in a door, throw the water cooler, go have sex with something ... we don't care. Just start racking up some innings and wins. Comprende?

--OTW Management

Ps: thanks for the help at catcher, Mr. Napoli, when Joe Mauer was on the DL. We may invite you back...soon.

Dear Duncan Bros:

At about 9:00 p.m. Friday Dad checked in on you boys. Be nice, you're so freaking close. Maybe you both could tank and let me and Ms. Inclement back into the race this week? --Dad

UPDATE: Well, you took it down to the wire, K for K, HR for HR. Kind of fun to watch online Sunday night as the number of opportunities for glory dissipated. Here's where you were late Sunday night:




...but kudos where kudos are due, Li'l Bro's Run & Hits put the pedal to the metal and pulled it out by 1 R, 1 HR, 1 W and 1 K. Ouch, that's gotta hurt Team GDubya.

Dear Curt Schilling,

That's what I'm talking about!





Would have been nice if you could have gotten the last out for the no-hitter. But a complete game 1-hit shutout will do just fine.

To top it off, Big Papi hits a homerun to supply the only offense in the entire game.

Matt Cain, take notes, this might be the only way you will get any wins this season.

Official Press Release

The team formally known as the Climate Changeups will now be known as the Inclement DLs, effective immediately until all players are OFF the DL.

All players who join the DL run the risk of being dropped. If you think I'm joking, talk to Nate Robertson and his "tired" arm.

-The Management

Dear Nate Robertson,

Seriously?!?!

Nate Robertson failed to record an out as he allowed six runs and threw 30 first-inning pitches in his start Tuesday, June 5. The start was the worst of his last six, a period in which Robertson has gone 1-5 and allowed 26 runs in 25 2/3 innings.

Goodbye.
-Your Former Manager

Dear Team Off the Wall - Week 9

Shake it off, boys. You were close, but the Cuban cigars went to the Latino Express, featuring Victor (11 RBI, 1.141 OPS !) Martinez*.

Next week, keep your eyes on the ball and off the other team's owner.

--Off the Wall Management

* I know, we thought he was a catcher, too. Somehow the 3rd Outs owner conned the Injuns into playing Vic at 1B just long enough for her to stack the line up with both him and Posada. OTW legal counsel is looking into filing collusion and bribery charges with the league office.

Dear Third Outs,

Yesterday, JUNE 1st, collectively you were for 14 for 38, with 11 runs, 4 home runs, and 12 RBI.
I would like to point out that I predicted this breakout day back in April, when you were cold and sucking. Wait until June, I said. Just wait. I had no idea how literal and exact you guys were. But I thank you very much. I expect this kind of play the rest of the season. Except for you Zambrano. You need to apologize first, then start pitching like you mean it.