Dear Third Outs,

We are number 3! We are number 3! And we couldn't be happier. Now for some awards:

Third Outs MVP: Magglio Ordonez. Way to keep your eye on the ball! And thank you for starting to hit, with a bang, on June 1st, when it warmed up, just like you said you would.

The I Heart My Catchers Award: Victor Martinez and Jorge Posada. Thank goodness for "1st-base eligibility." You two were quite the wrecking crew and caused jealous looks from other team owners.

The Best-Closer-I-Had-Never-Heard-Of-Before Award: Jose Valverde. But seriously, could you maybe stop doing such a good job in the playoffs and blow a couple of them so the Cubs could win?

The Ace Award: Javier Vazquez. You must have seen me in the crowd in at that one Spring Training game. That is the only explanation for how good, consistently good, you were all season.

The Token White Guy Award: Tom Glavine. But really, no one else could have won it. It's kind of like running unopposed.

The Gone But Not Forgotten Award: Omar!

The Gone But Gladly Forgotten Award: All the rest of you that I had to drop! Yes, pitchers, I'm talking about you! Especially you, Colon, and you, Ervin Santana, and you, Contreras.
Way to give up a home run, or two, or maybe like five, per game.

Have a good offseason. Spend time with your family. Write some books (such as Omar! My Life On and Off the Field). Jam with your band. Take it one day at a time. Next year is your year.

Dear Global Benchwarmers,

You had some rough times. Remember in April, when you were Rich Aurilia, and Jim Thome's addiction to barbecued ribs made headline news? Remember back in May, two months into the season, when you were still Neifi Perez, and when you liked to taunt me by only hitting on my bench? Remember when Brian Fuentes was a solid closer?

But then you started to turn it around, didn't you? Management made some bold trades, bringing in Albert Pujols and Matt Holliday while shipping off the likes of Jake Peavy, John Lackey, and Bobby Jenks. And then you started hitting! And you could still kind of pitch, too, thanks to inconsistent but occasionally ass-kicking youngsters like "Tiny" Tim Lincecum, Yovani "Viva" Gallardo, and Philip "Phil" Hughes! You went 29-6-1 over the last three weeks of the season to go from fourth to second (nicely done!), took a week off, and then demolished both the hapless Off the Wall II and the formerly unstoppable Lexington Legends 11-1--posting an absurd 51-8-1 record over the last six weeks of play.

Awards are handed out as follows:

Comeback Kid: David Wright, who couldn't hit it out the infield the first month and a half of the season, and finished with a ridiculous 113 R, 30 HR, 107 RBI, 34 SB, .325/.962 line
Best Add/Drop Addition: Russell Martin (for Michael "Who?" Barrett), for contributing 21 SB at the catcher position
Rookie of the Year (joint): Hunter Pence (.322/.899, 17 HR, 11 SB in 107 G) and Yovani Gallardo (9 W, 3.67 ERA, 1.27 WHIP, 101:37 K:BB in 110.1 IP)
Cy Young (joint): Jake Peavy and C.C. Sabathia--for both the Benchwarmers and in "real" baseball, although C.C. will lose to Josh Beckett because Beckett's extra win was a round number
MVP: Matt Holliday--who will also garner some votes in "real" baseball, but will lose to Jimmy Rollins--for coming in early via John Lackey and Bobby Jenks and putting up a final line of 120 R, 36 HR, 137 RBI, 11 SB, .340/1.012

For those of you who were not recognized, remember, that image of a trophy on my manager page will live forever, and belongs to you.

***

To the other teams in the league who were not fortunate enough to be the Benchwarmers this year, here's how you finished:

2. Lexington Legends (aka "The Actual Best Team, Probably")
3. The Third Outs (aka "The Latin Fireballs," and winner of the league Comeback Award)
4. Off the Wall II (aka "Did You Just Hit a Home Run? Come Be On Our Team!" and winner of the league Add/Drop Award)
5. The Run-and-Hits (aka "Stupid Mariners!")
6. Grabsumpine Meats (aka "We Looked Like a Total Genius for Drafting Torii Hunter, Eric Byrnes, and Barry Bonds . . . Until the Last Month")
7. Climate Changeups! (aka "Yes, We're All Hurt, Again," and winner of the league Yes! Didn't Finish in Last! Eat It, Throbulators! Award)
8. Throbulators (aka "We Couldn't Remember How to Log In Between April and September--Did We Miss Anything?")

Hope you'll all return next year. Remember, the 2008 season is only a short six months away. It's never too early to start preparing for the draft!

P.S. Cubs all the way 2007!!!

Dear Team Off the Wall (Week 25):

I know. I know. You're all a little disoriented. You thought the season was over last Sunday and here you are forced to drag your sorry butts out of the dugout for another week of being butt kickees to the Third Outs Latino Express. Now, our General Manager has gone on a transaction binge and you don't recognize anyone in the clubhouse (or you were unceremoniously sent packing). Sorry about that.

We tried to keep him under control but when Yahoo sent him a warning that he was nearing his 60 move limit, it was like waving the proverbial red flag in front of the bull ... opening the tuna can within earshot of the cat ... showing a budget surplus to Congress: he just went nuts: eight transactions in 3 days; 4 within 10 minutes this morning!

Fausto? Gone. Josh? Gone. Carl? Joe? Justin? Gone. Gone. Gone. Yahoo cut him off at 60, but not before he flooded the mound with new starters. Three of them will go on Sunday alone.

Needless to say, he was summarily fired, but that does nothing for the damage he's done to team morale and the Off the Wall camaraderie you've developed over this l-o-n-g six month season. All we can do is apologize and say, "see you at the draft."

Adios, amigoes.

--OTW II Ownership Group

Dear Yahoo Buzz Index:

"Tim Wakefield (Bos – SP) 13,299 drops
Wakefield has followed up a brilliant August (4-1 in five starts, 2.45 ERA, 0.97 WHIP in 33.0 IP) with a horrific September (two starts, 17.55 ERA, 3.15 WHIP in 6.2 IP).
Lowdown: Wakefield's poor efforts couldn't have come at a worse time, as many of the most active fantasy owners, like Round One shocker, Off the Wall II, of the West Coast Amateur Tee Ball League, are engaged in H2H playoff battles or roto stretch runs. If you took a chance on Wakefield like the trigger-happy OTW owners did , then you have my condolences."
http://tinyurl.com/2asoq4

Yeah. We noticed. Thanks for the condolences.

--- The aforementioned OTW II owners.

Ps: wouldn't have hurt to email us working stiffs that Carl Crawford chose this week to sit out his snit fit suspension.

Dear Shawn Marcum:

"Sep 13 Marcum, [soon to be ex-OTWII starter] who has allowed six home runs and 22 earned runs in his last 23.1 innings, admits that he's wearing down as the season progresses according to the team's web site reports."

We're painfully aware of your recent stats, but couldn't you have sucked it up and gotten through this two-start week then gotten tired?

-- Less than Pleased in Seattle

Dear Climate Changeups!,

Even though we aren't in the playoffs, this is a momentous day: THE CLIMATE CHANGEUPS! HAVE NO ONE ON THE DL!

Apparently, we are SO unexciting, that Yahoo! has started giving updates about our players' teammates, rather than the players themselves. Case in point: Adrián Gonzalez

"It won't be surprising if Gonzalez's teammate Milton Bradley (right oblique) misses San Diego's entire three-game series at Los Angeles that begins on Tuesday, according to the San Diego Union-Tribune."

Thanks for the update Yahoo!

-The Not-in-Last-Place Climate Changeups! Management

Dear Team Off the Wall Dos:

Unpack your bags, boys. We live to fight another day!

Tied 5-5 going into Sunday, you stunned the WCATB League pundits with a 10-2 shellacking of the Mighty Meats. Well done.

















Photo: Team Mom presenting home-grown bouquet to Round One MVP, her favorite ex-M heart throb, Mr. A-Rod.






(Thank you, Jenn.)