Dear Team Off the Wall - Week One

First up, Johnny Papelbon. Listen up. Our week of daily losses to the Lexington Legends is (finally) almost over. We are down 7-4 for the week. We have only one chance left: strikeouts. We're tied in that one; hopelessly behind in all hitting categories. I need you to kick Schilling's overweight butt off the mound, go in there and fan one - just one - measly Ranger. (Soon. Please. You're in the 6th as we speak.) Thank you.

Roy, Johan: well done. 3 W's between you; minuscule WHIP and ERAs. Could use more Ks, but, hey, I'm not complaining.

AJ: you overpaid &*#%@. you get one more start then its off to waivers in exchange for some obscure hitter who doesn't drag down the rest of his teammates. Sorry, but facts is facts, man.

Felix (H) : the snow will go away. Hope you haven't blown your arm out warming up for 3 days.
Felix (L): well done in the fill in role for Furcal. .346 with a run. A little more punch would be nice.

In fact, what's up with the bats on this team? .280/.772 with 6 HRs, 24 R, 21 RBI and a paltry 3 SB is pretty weak. We got creamed in all (all!) of those categories in case you didn't notice. (Carl Crawford? Hello? The league leader? One stolen base? Why do you think you were drafted?)

Freddy Sanchez: nice return off the DL (sorry, Run & Hits). 2/4 with a run and an RBI. You can stay... and have a beer.