Dear Mariners:

Say it ain't so, Jo(hn Mclaren). Swept at home by the team you're trying to catch? In late August? You're breakin' our hearts in Seattle. Come on boys, suck it up.

-- Long Suffering, Loyal M's Fans Since '77 (when Liz was pregnant with that twinkle in our eye, James Marr).

Dear Team Off the Wall, the Sequel - Week 21

That giddy, giggly war whoop you just heard was the Benchwarmers' ownership getting that kick ass week they were looking for ... at your expense. Down a respectable 4-6 going into Sunday and you decide to start hitting like OTW the Older and wind up on the short end of an eleven-to-one rout?

Yeah, yeah, it was close. (OK, very close.) Take that to the bank and try to get a mortgage.





-- The "maybe we can back into the last playoff spot" fan club.

Dear Benchwarmer closers,

I was being very clever. Since my first-place opponent had lucked into five of her eight starting pitchers getting two starts this week, while I only had one, I figured I was likely to get mauled in wins and strikeouts once the weekend rolled around. So after Hamels gave me 8 IP with only 1 R allowed on Monday (and Dempster contributed a lackluster 1 IP, 3.00 WHIP, but fortunately no runs), I was sitting with a nice 1.00 ERA and 0.86 WHIP, with 1 HR allowed. "Well, OK," I thought. "I don't have much chance at W's and K's, but if I bench all my pitchers, I'm all but guaranteed a 3-3 split in pitching, and can just try to take her on offense."

Then, like some sort of Greek morality tale, I got greedy. I thought, "Hey, maybe I can take saves too, and get 4 out of 6 for pitching! Surely my closers can give me a couple scoreless innings."

Instead, Frankie, you gave up a run in 2 IP in a non-save situation; Dempster, you tossed in his bases-loaded inning in another non-save situation; and Lidge, you gave up not only 2 runs yesterday to blow a save, but did it on a home run as well. (Frankie, you did give me a 0.00/0.00 save yesterday--thanks!)

Thanks to which my 1.00/0.86 line has now ballooned to 2.70/1.13, which is . . . wait for it . . . 0.02/0.02 BEHIND my opponent's 2.68/1.11.

What I'm saying is: Please, please, get it together. It'll only take a few scoreless innings to bring that down to a winnable level again. I don't want my comeuppance for getting greedy!

Dear Mr. Rod:

This is not what we paid for (your stats in last week):






This is what we were and are looking for
(your season stats, in case you've forgotten).




A simple reversion to the mean would be fine. Sheesh.

--- OTW II Fan Club

Ps: Enough chortling over there in the Disabled Climatic's dugout.

Dear Yahoo! Sports Fantasy Baseball,

I came home from work today, turned on ESPN, saw that there was a Mets/Brewers game on, and thought, great! I have a starter in that game (Oliver Perez for the Mets). And then I see Claudio Vargas pitching for the Brewers, who is also one of my pitchers, and I panic. I don't remember seeing that Vargas was starting today in my roster. Sure enough, there is no carat by his name! Yahoo! What happened? So I start cursing ESPN, especially when I see Perez give up a 3-run home run in the first inning (to Prince Fielder, on my opponent's team this week, nonetheless)! Oh, I almost started writing you a letter right then.

And then Vargas goes into the 2nd, and he starts off with a lead-off walk. I start trash-talking Vargas (not his fault really), and he gives up some runs! I egg him on. Give up more! More! If I'm not playing you, then do a terrible job! He gives up so many in fact that he only lasts 2.2 innings, gives up 2 home runs, and has an ERA of 23.63! Yahoo! Thank you! I am so happy with your error!