Dear Benchwarmer closers,

I was being very clever. Since my first-place opponent had lucked into five of her eight starting pitchers getting two starts this week, while I only had one, I figured I was likely to get mauled in wins and strikeouts once the weekend rolled around. So after Hamels gave me 8 IP with only 1 R allowed on Monday (and Dempster contributed a lackluster 1 IP, 3.00 WHIP, but fortunately no runs), I was sitting with a nice 1.00 ERA and 0.86 WHIP, with 1 HR allowed. "Well, OK," I thought. "I don't have much chance at W's and K's, but if I bench all my pitchers, I'm all but guaranteed a 3-3 split in pitching, and can just try to take her on offense."

Then, like some sort of Greek morality tale, I got greedy. I thought, "Hey, maybe I can take saves too, and get 4 out of 6 for pitching! Surely my closers can give me a couple scoreless innings."

Instead, Frankie, you gave up a run in 2 IP in a non-save situation; Dempster, you tossed in his bases-loaded inning in another non-save situation; and Lidge, you gave up not only 2 runs yesterday to blow a save, but did it on a home run as well. (Frankie, you did give me a 0.00/0.00 save yesterday--thanks!)

Thanks to which my 1.00/0.86 line has now ballooned to 2.70/1.13, which is . . . wait for it . . . 0.02/0.02 BEHIND my opponent's 2.68/1.11.

What I'm saying is: Please, please, get it together. It'll only take a few scoreless innings to bring that down to a winnable level again. I don't want my comeuppance for getting greedy!