WATBL '08 - Final Standings

A crazy and unprecedented photo finish this year. Final standings:

1. Vitamin D: Annual winner of the WATBL Add-Drop Award (remember, the first step is admitting you have a problem), an underdog roaring from 23.5 games back to squeak by the Honey Nut Ichiros, demolish the Wisconsin Blizzards, and then (apparently) defeat Coliseo de Gallos when (what appears to have been) a zeroth-hour Yahoo recalculation (evidently) dropped his WHIP the last necessary hundredth of a point to eke out a 6-5 victory, well after Coliseo had (seemingly) locked up a 6-6 win via ERA tiebreaker. Instant replays have been inconclusive, as have investigations into the fundamental mathematical principles that underlie our very universe. Perhaps the CERN Large Hadron Collider will provide some answers once they have the helium leak repaired, currently scheduled for spring 2009. The Higgs boson may be implicated. We will keep everyone apprised.
   
2. Coliseo de Gallos: A truly astonishing defeat, for her second consecutive second-place finish. Winner of the She Took First Place in the Other League We Play In by Crushing Your Humble Commissioner in the Final Playoff Round, So Nobody Feel Too Bad Award.
3. Wisconsin Blizzards: Your humble commissioner and last year's victor, finishing the regular season in first place with a commanding 8.5-game lead, eliminated by HIS OWN FATHER in the second playoff round. Whether said father will be receiving a Christmas gift this year remains to be seen.
   
4. Green Man: An excellent overall showing from the fantasy-baseball rookie, finishing the regular season in firm possession of second place. Stocking up on members of the unstoppable 2008 Cubs proved a much better strategy than Vitamin D's and the Obamariners' reliance on 2007 Mariners last year. (Go Cubs!! This is the year!!!) Winner of the For God's Sake, Why Did Nobody Make Me an Offer for CC Sabathia, Leaving Me to Trade Him Away for ERIK FREAKING BEDARD, Who Did Not Pitch a SINGLE Inning for Me, While CC as a Brewer Appeared to Be the Second Coming of Walter Johnson Award.
   
5. Honey Nut Ichiros: Unfortunately found herself in the path of future league winner Vitamin D in the first playoff round. Co-winner of the Best Team Picture Award.
   
6. Obamariners: The other co-winner of the Best Team Picture Award. His hopes now rest on the real Obama finishing above .500 in November.
   
7. Upper Deck: Victor in the consolation playoffs, and winner of the Best Auto-Picked Team Award.
   
8. Glitterbugz: Production of the Wisconsin BlizzardBug continues on schedule. Winner of the This Baby Will NOT Be Born in a World in Which the Cubs Have Not Won a World Series in 100 Years, Go Cubs Go, They've Got the Power, They've Got the Speed, To Be the Best in the National League, And So Forth Award.
   
9. Full Season Fizzlers: A honeymoon trip coinciding with WATBL Draft Day left him hobbled from the start--a mistake he surely will not make next year. Winner of the Most Romantic Ninth-Place Finish Award.
   
10. B.C. Goonies: Someone has to finish last--but he can take pride in his shiny Best Team from Canada Award.
    

Thanks, and see everyone next year! (And, if I haven't made it clear: Go Cubs!!)

Jim, aka Wisconsin Blizzards
WATBL Commissioner

Last Letter of the Season

Saturday night. September 27. It comes down to this: After two little noticed and sporadically observed championship playoff weeks, we are Vitamin D-lighted to be tied with Coliseo de Gallos. 6-6. One day to go. Half the categories still up for grabs. Good luck, Liza. (...but I really wish ERA was not the tie-breaker.)

...to be continued.

Sunday afternoon. One game left...and...we're still tied. Alas, we have no pitchers left and we can't make up that measly 0.01 WHIP we need to make it 6-5-1. Unfortunately, the Commish confirms that ERA is the tie-breaker. So ... congratulations to Liza.

Now, we're on to cheering the production of New Baby Human 1.0 in Madison in a few weeks.

--Vitamin D-uncan a/k/a Grandpa 2B.

Monday morning update: We won?

Bow Down to Carlos Z:

'nuff said. Well done.

--Vitamin D-elighted at your performance (Liz saw it on TV) and that we (Vitamin D) weren't facing you.

Dear Commish:

Well, Dad2B, we are close going into the final day. Only HR, RBI, SB, & W appear to be decided and they are split 2-2. We each have only one starter going, both are middle-of-the-staff types (Danks for you; Myers for me). You apparently have at least 9 closers to my 3, so odds are good for you in Saves. The rest are up for grabs.

We're off to enjoy the last rays of summer. Cheers.

--Grandpa2B (11:00 am PDT)

Ps: Ok, just checked at 3:30 PDT. Yikes. We're ahead, but on the verge of a meltdown. Here's where we are:




...to be continued. Nap time now.
--G2B.

End of Day: Jim, you called it in our tele conf this afternoon: thanks in no small part to Louis Ayala who went "inf" in relief for the Mets, we finish 8-3 and are in the finals. Wow. Nice. (And it's on the same day that Carlos Z threw the first Cubs' No-No in approximately 40 years.)





On to more important things: Looking forward to seeing you and the Mrs. and Baby No.1 in November.

--G2B

Dear Honey Nut Ichiros:

We were a great matchup in Round One of the 2008 WATBL playoffs. Matchup was 6-5 in my favor on Sunday morning. You had Adam Wainwright and Cole Hamels starting; I had Josh Johnson & Paul Byrd available to start, but decided to sit Paul Byrd against the slugging Rangers. (Another Vitamin D "overthink?" Like sitting Josh Beckett this week on his first start coming off the DL, only to have him win a game, give up no runs and get 7 freaking K's!)







[to be continued...I'm off to do yard work in the Seattle sun.]

Eight hours later ... here's where we ended up Sunday night.




Whew! That was waaaay close ... and even closer than it looks. We were tied (6-6) going into the last game on the last day. I had two hitters left (Rollins, Delgado) who were hitting against Santana and Hamels, respectively. And the white hot Cole Hamels, was your remaining player. Yikes.

Rollins tanked, of course (oh-fer against Johann), but Carlos surprisingly hammered Cole for 2 HRs (l-o-n-g, too) and the threat to WHIP was gone and HR's were now tied ... and we escaped with at 6-5 win.

So ... good match, Jen. See you next spring for the Baby X "coming out party."

--Vitamin D Ownership.

Ps: Yes, 20-20 hindsight shows The Sitting of Paul Byrd was a mistake as he went 6.2 innings with no earned runs and got the W against the suddenly anemic Rangers. (Combined with Beckett boo-boo mentioned above, it cost us the W's category.)

Dear WATBL Owners:

I've seen some good pitching in playoffs (and, granted, we're not "done" with Friday night of Round the Oneth, c. 2008), but I found this pretty impressive. When is the last time you saw five (5) pitchers that were all under 2.00 ERA and under 1.00 WHIP in the same head-to-head matchup series ... after this many innings?

--Vitamin D-elighted at the quality pitching in our series. (Way to pick'm, Jen.)

Dear Vitamin D-isaster....

Your clubhouse privileges are hereby revoked. You'll find a supply of cat food and Perrier water at the back door. Please use it wisely. Thank you. ---Management. listen

Powered by Jott

Dear One of the Many Jose's in WATBL:

... in this case, Mr. Valverde of the Houston Not-So-Astronomics. Nice game, Senor Closer.

Which translates into a daily stat against the Mighty Blizzzzzards) of ...



---Vitamin D-isinclined to renew your contract

Dear Josh Hamilton:

Don't get cocky, kid.

--Vitamin D-efinitely Impressed

Ps: Oh. Didn't see it? Check out the video.

Dear Shrinking Vitamin D Fan Base:

Tuesday, July One, 2008.

We know. We know. We're working the problem. Needless to say, the GM is on Double Secret Probation and ownership is searching Craig's List for a replacement.

The Good (please fill glass half-full first): Jenn didn't shut us out last week!




The Bad* (please empty glass, then fill with forlorn hope): Senor Fuentes yesterday, the stats for which we were watching in horror at the Ms vs Jays game last night (with The Commish and Mrs. Commish, Glitterbabyz2B):



The Just Plain Dumb (feel free to bang head -- repeatedly -- on desk or other hard surface): we left 2 Ws and 14 Ks on the freaking bench yesterday -- the straw that pushed ownership over the edge:




--Vitamin D-umb PR Department

* Late breaking (more) bad news: "RF Magglio Ordonez was placed on the 15-day disabled list Sunday with a pulled right oblique and lat muscle suffered in the first inning Saturday night. He told reporters the pain increased overnight. Ordonez, batting .307 with 12 home runs and 50 RBI, had not missed a game this season. "I don't want to take a chance," said Ordonez, third Tiger this month to go on the DL due to an oblique muscle pull.

Dear Rich Harden,

I love you:

Innings pitched: 8.0
K: 11
ERA: 0.00
WHIP: 0.38

Please don't get hurt...I don't think I can take it (again).

-The Management

p.s. Thank you for shaving that horrible beard thing you were sporting before I had to blog about it.

Medic!! Shrink!!

Update:

Meanwhile, in the WTH? Department, we have these two classic Vitamin D-umbfounded Moments:

Bradley then went back to the clubhouse and broke down in tears. "I'm tired of people bringing me down," Bradley said to his teammates. "It wears on you. I love you guys, all you guys. I'm strong, but I'm not that strong. All I want to do is play baseball and make a better life for my kid than I had." (Milton "So, S0 Fragile" Bradley)

obviously I want to thank my parents for giving me life (Bartolo Colon)

Latest Yahoo Vitamin D news:

inflamed right elbow (Todd Wellemeyer)
in a rehab assignment (Santiago Casilla)
still winless for the season in both the minors and the majors (Clayton Kershaw)
slowed by a virus for several days (Josh Hamilton)
started the season poorly due to a bad back (Placido Palanco)
complained about extra moisture on the baseballs (come on, Josh Beckett!)
left with a limp (Milton Bradley)
mild soreness in his left knee (Jose Valverde)
given a day off Monday night (Grady Sizemore)

Suck ... it ... up. Take an Anti-Wussie Pill. Do something. At 1-11 you can only get better.

--Vitamin D-isgusted Ownership

Dear Mr. Diddly:

Thanks for memories ... and lyrics.

"I got 47 miles of barbed wire/I use a cobra snake for a necktie/I got a brand new house by the road side/Made from rattlesnake hide/I got a brand new chimney up on top/Made from a human skull/Now come on, baby, take a walk with me now/And tell me, who do you love?"

--Vitamin D-iddly for the Day

Dear Little Leaguers:

Listen up.

(big) Thumbs down

Jimmy Rollins, Phillies: Rollins, the reigning National League MVP, failed to run out a pop fly (eventually dropped by the shortstop) and was yanked from Thursday's game by Phillies manager Charlie Manuel.

(small) Thumbs up

Jimmy Rollins, Phillies: Rather than making excuses or fuming at Manuel, Rollins cheered on his team during the game and owned up to his mistake. "It's my fault. I can't get mad at him," Rollins said.

Dear Mssrs. Wells:

Sorry, you can't play in our league.

Dear Mr. El Natural

Josh: Nice work. (Please don't revert to the mean.)

-- Owners of Vitamin D-elighted we got you in the 17th (!) Round as pick #169 (after recent unlamented dropees, Chad Cordero, Jeremy Bonderman, Carlos Delgado, Travis Hafner, Rickie Weeks, Chris (the tall one) Young, Manny Corpus, George Posada, etc ... sheesh, what a horrible draft!)

------------------------------------
Jun 3 The Associated Press reports Texas Rangers OF Josh Hamilton homered in his third straight game Monday, June 2. He leads the majors with 65 RBIs and leads the American League with 16 homers.

Jun 2 Hamilton, who has made an inspiring comeback from drug and alcohol abuse, was chosen as the American League player of the month for May on Monday. Hamilton became the first American League player to win the monthly award in April and May the same season.

Advice: Hamilton went into a Monday night game against Cleveland hitting .328 with a major league-best 63 RBIs, 13 more than the next-closest player. He led the AL with 15 homers, 77 hits and 25 multihit games. Hamilton had eight homers and 29 RBIs in May, when the Rangers won 19 games for their winningest month since June 1983. [This is "advice?" How about, "We advise you to never bench this guy (or let him get near a pharmacy)?"]

Dear Magglio:

Oh. My. Nice day, dude.



--Your appreciative Vitamin D-ominating Ownership.

Ps: Josh Hamilton: don't even think we're not preparing
a mega-first-half celebration for your post-rehab performance:




as the #2 ranked Yahoo! MLB Fantasy player of 2008.

Dear Vitamin D pitching staff:

First, Chris Young, now Senor Valverde?? "May 23 RHP Jose Valverde was able to secure his 15th save of the season moments after getting struck on the cheek by a line drive off the bat of Pedro Feliz. Valverde lay motionless for nearly a minute before hopping to his feet and finishing the game."

Put up your freaking glove.

--Vitamin D-uh Ownership Pool

Dear Chris Young:

Don't you wish you were 6 foot 2 instead of 6 foot 10?

"When I hit it, I thought it was going over his head," Pujols said. "But it hit him right in the face. "There was blood all over the place and I began to pray about it and make sure it was all right."

Out of a misguided sense of sympathy and loyalty, we won't drop you this week.

--Vitamin D-amaged Ownership

Dear Vitamin D "Pitching Staff":

Look, you can't all be the #5 starter on this team.

You're being paid big bucks, the trainer is providing you with lots of nutritional supplements and your ERA's are in double digits? Chris Young, ferchrisakes, is the star for the day? Can we set the bar any lower?

Sheesh.

--Vitamin D-isgruntled shareholders.

Ps: 70 Ks for the week is nice but, good grief, you were giving up 1 HR for every 5 strikeouts! Fourteen (14) HRs for the week? Double-sheesh.

Ps2: Glass is 1/2 Full Dept: at least you kept the ERA in double-digits. How about the triple digit performance of Dodger Jonathan Broxton against Houston this fine, sunny Mothers Day?

Dear Team Vitamin D-eficient:

When I said, "Go for it" to our pitching staff before today's games, I intended for you all to "think low" ERA and WHIP to catch up with the Obamariners' staff.

Instead you post ... this:






















In a word, "Aaaaagh."

---Vitamin D-ying Here

Dear Brandon Webb:

This tip of the WATBL hat's for you, BDubya. 8-0. Nice start to the season.

(Reached on his cell phone, Brandon told the WATBL News, "I owe it all to Vitamin D.")

---Your growing fan base in the PacNW.

Dear LSF 5/1 Starting Lineup,

Just checking in before I call it a day and I noticed that ya'll have put up a stellar line of 0/17 with 4 runs and an RBI. Ummmm...what? In case you haven't noticed, the Bugz have gone 6/11 today and have taken over the BA and OPS lead. Feel free to get a hit at any time. Thanks

Has anyone ever gotten no-hit in Fantasy play?

I guess the only consolation is that we are still hitting over .300 for the week...


-A seriously disappointed Fizz management team

Dear John Boy (Cueto):

Oh, my. I guess we knew this was possible for one so young... but .. Oh, my, this was ugly. Doubtful any WATBL pitcher will collapse this far in one start in ERA and WHIP. (WATBL owners: by all means, feel free to have one of your pitchers knock Johnny off that "pedestal.")

Shall we dissect it further? Sure, what the heck. Here's what happened in inning the first:








Here's what occurred in the 2/3 inning of the second that you lasted.
You got Albert, but ...mmmm...the rest was not pretty:








You hang in there, J.C. We're with you... especially if this is the bottom.

-- Vitamin D Ownership

Dear Hunter Pence, Jim Thome, Hideki Matsui, and Evan Longoria,

The four of you are all excellent players, but unfortunately I only have two free starting spots to fit you in. Over the last week I just took my best guess at who to play each day, and this was the result:

- Whoever was active: 9/42 (.214), 5 R, 1 HR, 4 RBI, 0 SB
- Whoever was benched: 18/42 (.429), 12 R, 5 HR, 14 RBI, 2 SB

Now, perhaps you're getting nervous when you know you're in the lineup, and fortunately the Blizzards were still able to pull out a 10-1-1 victory on the last two days over the very lovely and incomparably talented Glitterbugz. But in the future, please notify me each day in writing of the number and type of hits you plan to have that day so that management can plan accordingly. Thank you.

Dear Francisco Liriano,

No no no no no no no no no no no no nooooooooooo please remember how to pitch.

Dear Commish:

What would it take to give us all more roster moves? With the sorry physical condition of this year's crop of supposedly professional ball players and the sorry state of my draft I'm in danger of exhausting my alloted roster moves before Independence Day.

Rickie Weeks? Gone. Jimmy Rollins? Gone. Pat Burrell? Gone. (Ooooops.) Whorehey Posada? Gone. Chad "Stupid Grin" Cordero, my "ace" closer? Gone. And now, Manny "Gag Me With a Smurf" Corpas decides to go postal. Gone. Carlos Delgado? Just about to be Gone. Sheesh.

Pleazzzzzzzzzzzzzze, give us some more.

Thank you,

--Vitamin D (for Desparate) Ownership, on behalf of my fellow and fellowette owners.

Dear Late Season Fizzlers,

WTF? First Curtis "20, 20, 20" Granderson goes on the DL with a broken hand? Fine. Then, Kelvim Escobar goes on the DL with a torn labrum and may miss the season (or potentially end his career). Ok, we'll manage. Then Kaz "Oww, My Butt Hurts" Matsui gets an anal fissure...not touching that...Now we got Torii Hunter with a big toe, Gary Sheffield with a shoulder, and new comer Wandy Rodriguez on the DL with a groin.

We are not the DLs. We do not draft pitchers who are known to be out until August prior to the draft and we do not draft pitchers who have not pitched a full season in 4 years, no matter how good they are.

Meanwhile, our best player, Albert "POO-holes" Pujols is playing with an elbow that is hanging on by a thread.

Please get well soon. We need all the help we can get so we can work our way to the top and roll over and die in the playoffs.

Thanks,
The Fizz Management

Dear Rickie Weeks:

Dude, your season-long flirtation with the Mendoza Line is starting to infect the rest of the team. Now you've dragged Hafner & Grady down with you for the week. The fifteen runs scored is nice (and the only reason you're in the lineup), but having the same number of Ks as Hits is ridiculous. Your role is to get on-base, not be a free swinging "slugger." Capiche?

--- Vitamin D Management

Dear Chad Cordero:

Wipe that stupid grin off your face. Your so-called "fastball" was initially clocked in the 70's yesterday... and "topped out" at 82. Get your behind back on the DL where you belong you %&%$#*

--Vitamin D Ownership (warming up in the bullpen)

Dear Roy Oswalt,

OK, so perhaps I was a little hasty in my previous post, but even you have to admit—your first three starts, in which you went 0-3 against the Padres, Cubs, and Marlins with a 9.00 ERA and 2.00 WHIP (16 ER and 30 H, including 5 HRs, in 16 IP), were not inspiring confidence. Although I was pleased to have you as a #3 starter, your sudden emergency role as ace of the Blizzard staff during DL stints for both Erik Bedard and John Lackey was making even the normally stoic Dice-K a little nervous.

But excellent work yesterday, sir, and against the Phillies no less! (Phillies without Rollins and Victorino, but still.)

Dear Brad Penny and Yahoo!,

Brad - Good luck tonight against the Steelers!










Yahoo(ps)! - Seriously, the Steelers?

Fizz Management

Dear Erik Bedard and John Lackey,

You've left me with this guy as my ace starter. Gee, thanks.

Dear Chris Young (the alleged pitcher, not the batter)

Thank you. Thank you, very much, you tall drink of ineptitude.

I went to bed (admittedly early) comfortable with a 7-3 match-up lead, including a 2.25 ERA and 1.10 WHIP. I was ready to rest the staff Sunday (and not risk starting Mr. Hot & Cold, Young Johnny Cueto). So ... I wake up to an ERA that has ballooned to three point nine one (3.91) and we're behind in WHIP. Huh? Investigation of this calamity led me to the Yahoo "splat" next to your name. And I quote:

"Apr 13 RHP Chris Young threw 80 pitches in three-plus innings, allowing seven runs, seven hits and four walks. Young retired only nine of the 21 batters he faced."

Another Yahoo reporter was more judgmental:

"Apr 12 Young was absolutely awful Saturday night, allowing seven runs and eleven base runners in only three innings of work. He walked four, struck out two, and allowed home runs to Rafael Furcal and Andre Ethier. He actually looked even worse than his final pitching line during the game--which is really saying something. Just an ugly game all around."

This is what it looks like in the official WATBL stats for the day:





Eighteen?? Almost four walks+hits per inning?? Please consider re-joining your buddy, Rich Harden, on the DL. After all you both had great layabout seasons there in '07. That way I can add Rick Ankiel to my staff. At least he can hit.




--Vitamin D Front Office

Dear Rich Harden,

Just a reminder, WE ARE NOT THE DL'S THIS YEAR! You are a Honey Nut Ichiro, and Honey Nut Ichiro's do not go on the DL!

The DL is not the place of luxury that it was last year: there are no massage chairs and no all-you-can-eat buffets. YOU DO NOT WANT TO GO ON THE DL.

I'll give you a few more days to rest your arm, but then I expect to see you back to starting day form.

-The Management

Dear ESPN,

I sit through the winter every year eagerly anticipating the return of baseball- my daily escape from a troubling world filled with corruption, greed, warmongering and selfish douchebaggery. So I sit down tonight to enjoy the Braves-Nationals kickoff and welcome my therapist back from vacation. My man Tim Hudson is going tonight (Dear Tim Hudson- great job tonight even if the offense made Odalis Perez look like Johan Santana) and everything is a-OK with the world.

Then suddenly, inexplicably and without warning George W Fu**ing Bush gets thrown in my face. Are you kidding me?! I have to listen to that sociopathic chucklefu** ham it up with Johnny and Joe For 3 fu**ing innings? WTF ESPN! This is not helping me relax. This is not helping me forget my troubles. I just spent the week trying to wrap my head around Iraq's tragic plunge into anarchy and here the author of that tragedy sits joking about how the biggest mistake he ever made was trading Sammy Sosa. Ahhhhhh!

Not a good start to the season, ESPN. Bad dog. No biscuit.

Sincerely,
Mike Duncan

Dear Rich Harden,

How do I love thee, let me count the ways:

1 strikeout
2 strikeouts
3 strikeouts
4 strikeouts
5 strikeouts
6 strikeouts
7 strikeouts
8 strikeouts
9 strikeouts

9 STRIKEOUTS! Welcome back Rich...I've missed you.

-The Management

Dear Manny,

I'll admit it—I haven't entirely forgotten your pitiful start for me back in 2006. But way to bring it right out of the gate: 2 for 5 (2 doubles), 1 R, 4 RBIs. More of that, please!

Also, please tell Dice-K, way to push past the early struggles to at least give us a shot at a W, and good work on the 6 K's in 5 IP. It was classy of the Red Sox bullpen to at least give the victory to Okajima.

Dear Late Season Fizzlers,

Welcome newcomers to the team that starts off strong and finishes weak. We have a few players who were resigned (Nathan and Hunter) after putting together a solid 2007. Several of you I would not have picked had I not been in Thailand during the draft (Kaz & Loney - you top that group) but I will give you a chance (mostly because I can't find a better replacement).

Enough with the injuries. Seriously, what the heck is going on? I have a pitcher with a fake nail so he can throw a curve ball. And I have a second baseman who is having butt surgery. At least, Granderson has a legitimate injury. As for you, Pujols, I am pretty stoked to have you on my team but why do you have to have a bum elbow? Fortunately, I have 4 first baseman on the team so you take some days off.

Starting pitching staff, I am not optimistic about your capabilities but statistically in 2007 you all performed above average so I will keep my fingers crossed.

Here's to career years for you all!

LSF Management

Dear Frank Thomas,

Hi Big Frank!

Long time, no talk. Remember me? I caught a foul ball you hit with my bare hand.

Do you know who Aaron Hill is? He's on my fantasy team.

Your friend,

Jenn