Dear Cole Hamels and Yovani Gallardo,

OK, guys. Our pitching this week has not been great. Everyone can see that. Four of you have put up ERAs of 6 or higher. And, inexplicably, TWO of you have now given up home runs to Pedro Feliz, thereby single-handedly increasing his home run total by over 20 percent.

I just have a few things for you to keep in mind:

1. When you're sitting at 5.94/1.34, and your opponent is sitting at 5.77/1.57, it really doesn't take a whole lot to bring your ERA down enough to win. I'm not asking for no-hitters here. 6 IP, 3 ER apiece would be perfectly fine.
2. You're facing the Cardinals and the Royals, two of the more hapless offenses in baseball this year: 26th and 21st in runs scored, 14th and 22nd in batting average, 21st and 29th in home runs. But: Remember Jake Peavy and the Nationals. When Peavy has pitched against the Nationals this year--twice--he was all, "I'm Jake freakin' Peavy. I have a 1-something ERA and a microscopic WHIP and like a bazillion strikeouts. Hell, I might strike out 27 today, just because I can." And you know what? Peavy's 0-1 with a 3.85 ERA and 1.36 WHIP against the Nationals this year. Those numbers aren't awful, but the Nationals are 28th in runs scored, 29th in batting average, and 30th in home runs, and Peavy is the best pitcher in baseball this year, and he has yet to beat them. All I'm saying is, don't get cocky. Just go out and do your thing.
   
3. Next time, if you could arrange for one of you to pitch at 10 am and one to pitch at 1 pm, or some similar arrangement, so I can decide after one outing whether I really need the other, that would be great. Having both of you pitch at 11 am is not really working for me right now.