Clubhouse Posting for Team Off the Wall:

All further contact with the Climate Change-ups is hereby prohibited.

The CDC has issued a nationwide alert after discovery that the Change-ups are carrying a highly contagious, virulent strain of a potentially career threatening disease: Injury Proneosity (IP). Three days ago Rickie Weeks, Joe Mauer and our super-sized hero, Josh Beckett went partying with Adam Wainwright. Result:

• "Weeks will miss the next few games with a wrist injury, according to the Milwaukee radio broadcast. There was no indication if it was the same wrist that caused Weeks to miss the end of last season and have surgery in the off-season."

• "St. Paul Pioneer Press, reports Minnesota Twins C Joe Mauer (quad) will likely need more than the standard 15 days to recover from his strained left quadriceps."

• "Josh Beckett, baseball's winningest pitcher, is headed for the disabled list because of a finger injury and is expected to miss two starts before returning for Boston's home game May 29 against Cleveland."

For you Off the Wall super-studs who think this can't affect you (Hello, Bronson Arroyo?) , the CDC reports that a common side effect of IP is an acute case of "penile shrinkage." Remember all those questions about Change-up ace, Pedro Martinez's, "manliness?" You don't think the Latin Macho Man's been on the DL all season because of a little arm soreness, do you?

Enough said.

--Off the Wall Training, Personal Hygiene and Prescription Medication Dept.