Dear Carlos Delgado,

Thank you for realizing June is just around the corner and being the first of the many struggling Third Outs to warm up and start hitting. Some other managers might have gotten rid of you a while ago, but lucky for you, I barely pay any attention to batting averages, who's hitting home runs, and what the other team is doing to kick our butts every week. And in doing so, I have unbelievably small expectations of which you have exceeded greatly, especially with your 5 (5!) RBIs on Saturday. Thank you for telling Tejada that he should start hitting too. Could you please also tell Abreu?